whatever comes to mind

> Better than Flickr, probably.

Oh, wow... once upon a time... semi-big Flickr presence. That was a painful account to cancel thinking back to all the time I spent uploading photos back in times when that wasn't nearly as easy/fast.

> It is a mail/parcel black hole. Instead of never getting > any mail, that address gets ALL the mail. Like the opposite > of being off the grid. Or maybe in a postal sense, I died > there. As did the neighbor before me. And our mail will > show up at that address for the rest of time? Like the > friggin' twins from The Shining: “Deliver mail to us, > Danny. Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever.”

Definitely sounds like this world to me.

Pretty pleasant day off work: ran a couple work jobs for some managerial brownie points; organized some stuff around the house; put up a couple shelves; applied for another job (and I'm damned proud of one of the sentences in the cover letter...).

Last I looked, we're due another 6” to 7” of snow tonight.

That's fine here with the gasoline-powered snow blower. But the electric at the other place best prepare for some serious feelings of inadequacy.

> The first recorded evidence of the creation story, in > which Atum plays the role of the Creator God, was found > in the body of the pyramids. In one of the texts there was > a text explaining that relationship, where the text says: > “Greetings to you, Atum ... > > Greetings to you, my news, you who came into existence. > > By yourself, you who created yourself ...

For the love of self-referentiality!

> It is currently 3F in St Louis.

3F's a charmF!

> I think [Inquiry]( feels the same > way on that one.

Damned straight (the typing of which managed to provoke a mild Camel straight yearn..) on how much Inquiry sooooo loves his email aliases!

> I can't help but share this animated documentary of > strength and courage within communist China, “Up We > Soar”. I believe it paints a clear picture of how the > lack of respect for humanity and a ruthless cancel culture > can devastate lives.

Too bad it'll be clear to everyone but the cancelers.

> To Remain True, Science Requires Faith

I'd love to experience someone attempting to tell/convince me there's any”thing” in the domain of mind that could possibly “be” (i.e. seem) “real” sans faith.

> Just another way our systems turn us into monsters.

It makes perfectly good sense to me that systems engineered and operated by monsters would be monster creation/refinement capable.

Elsewhen, Jon Konrath came to mind out of the blue the other night, and it was nice to see he was still at it.

Nicely productive Sunday.

(He says, suddenly embarrassed for having put 'nicely' before 'productive', despite having just this afternoon responded to the following positively:

> Don't jump on to the assembly line of productivity just for > the sake of productivity. Don't believe that everything > you do needs to be practical or useful or serious. Don't > feel the need to get more done.)

Snow removal at two places, a few old home indoors matters, one vehicle load of moving, set up the old DVD and VHS players to the new situation (soooooo happy to find a copy of my favorite – “The Family Man” – in the latter..), whatever else I'm not remembering.

<next day>

Well... weariess per said work caught up with me.

More snow. And it sounds like there will be even more.

Day off work, today – although I need to run one job after noting communication from the manager about a database restoration. Should be about mid-morning.

> the unrepentant passage of time

Yum! (as a phrase, not the unforgiving reality)

So crazy picturesque out there: snow icing upon plantlife cake.


Okay, got the one work job running. I forgot it's actually two, having broken it apart for better control over when to run its subtasks.

(Reminds me of an old engineer I once worked with who was fond of saying “nothing is simple”.)

(Is he still alive, even?)

(What fucking good is this fucking internet if I can't fucking figure that much out without undue heartache and/or misery?)

> For the past few months I've taken the occasional glance > at this cobweb in my windowsill.

And I, the mobweb on my screen....

> So, count myself as one of the guilty parties to > be a living, eating, breathing, sentient machine of > Treasury-to-Big-Tech money siphoning components, as I am > as guilty as any(every)one else. Because I am just another > sucker in the Ponzi Scheme of Big Economics.

The vast majority of “Big Tech” offerings are so laughably optional (except to those imagining otherwise, of course..) that I can't see blaming BT's bio-innards for being consummately human, i.e. screwing others to seemingly benefit them”selves”.

I mean, I just spent some time looking for a BT gun pointed at my head, and just plain couldn't find one....

> Creating a false narrative

I've some bad news: all narratives are false inasmuch as the underlying ineffability obviously couldn't consist of strings of carefully arranged words.

So, if/when ready to lose one's false narratives misery, do so by losing all narratives – especially the inner one that somehow magically never considers itself false....

> After the realization something clicked in my head: > I just decided that was not a behaviour I wanted to > practice anymore.


(ALSO: “Look mom! Still no BT gun!”)

> Don't jump on to the assembly line of productivity just for > the sake of productivity. Don't believe that everything > you do needs to be practical or useful or serious. Don't > feel the need to get more done.

Damn, this place is teeming with great online-related advice, today!

> I find that, for now at least, multiple semi-anonymous > outlets is a greater truth, more authentic and more > sincere, than if I were out proclaiming myself and my > awesomeness on twitter. Why is that? Is identity through > social media now so fake and constructed and corporate > and performative that it is in fact a place of radical > inauthenticity? How is it that a little small stakes > anonymity allows for something that feels so much more > real and more authentic?

Because so-called “real” identity is but a rather tight dream such that the multiple, semi-anonymous thing effective loosens the more singular straightjacket....

> Not as bad as Apple Music, though. I'll never deal with > them again. Or deal with anything in the Apple ecosystem, > if I can avoid it.

Same. My one – and now ancient – Macbook Pro was it. I was hesitant at the time, even, because from what I could see most of the premium cost of owning Apple was its appearances value – as in “This shows others I'm one of the cool kids too!”

I went through trying to power up some of the old machines today, and that Macbook is apparently bricked. Little green LED at the end of the power code that magnetically attaches to the power jack glows, but the machine doesn't start regardless the various lengths of time operating the power button.

I really do have to get back with using only removable media for personal data, scripts, etc., though. It's feeling like I've not enough time left to dick with ripping that thing apart to maybe identify its long-term storage device to give it some extra destructive attention... but, of course, that's a different kind of extra work.. and of course the fundamental underlying cause is too many human beings being such disgusting pieces of shit that I have to worry about what some might do with my data/information....

> XMPP, Gopher protocol, RCS, BBS, things like this SOUND > cool, and I basically want to use them for no other reason > than that.

I recall using RCS in the distant past – assuming your talking about this RCS, anyway.

> And he was also prone to a little (attempted) manipulation > when required.

Which makes him... let's see... human?

> So, you see, this isn't an avenue of me getting “good” > at anything, or grabbing attention, or being anything > other than someone who can only self-correspond in order > to maintain a semblance of mental health.

I guess for me it's mostly a vain hope of encountering another whose writing suggests a similar conceptual context – aka mind – plight.

Yep. That's what it's mainly been all the way back to 1980s “local BBSes”.

And the word 'vain' is putting it mildly....

> but blog has to go.


> We have a a society become too engrossed or mesmerized in > our own logic and intellect.. what is happening inside your > mind.. these facts and such clog your ability to routinely > relate to other aspects of your emotional intelligence.

Sounds a rather reasonable theory.

> So, good morning


11F here at 6:18am. Haven't peeked to see if snow still da man at diss point.

In addition to getting some work around the house done, yesterday, I wound up doing a bunch of search-engine-accompanied reminiscing, fueled mostly by some memorability from people from my first serious, and longest running job. God, to interact with several of them again. Even just a hello and a quick catch up.

But I couldn't find much about them, for the most part. Either they were generally good at protecting PIA online, or never got stupidly busy with online, or stayed mostly in walled gardens impervious to much search engine pry.

Turns out, however, that one of them became a mermaid. At least for a while. Again, the breadcrumbs are sparse to none.

She also had another child that's seemingly quite creative online.


> Also, I believe my tax check is arriving in the mail today, > so that will be nice. But the P&C order is still held up, > so who knows when that will arrive, or if it will arrive > or just end up getting cancelled.

One thing is certain: the above describes a series of immediate and inescapable consequences! ;–)

> I would add, to my mental cacophony, at a minimum, the > inner martyr. This character is the voice claiming I > haven't done enough or that I'm being selfish. It's like > a mission specific cousin of the critic, able to cut right > to the chase about why I am such a fucking selfish asshole > for sitting here putting words in order when I could be > doing something that someone else needs. Like programming > some shit for them. Or maybe making them a website. Or > grading something or putting comments on a paper that a > student will never retrieve. Or one of a thousand things > that my family needs from me.

Hey, wait a second! That's my inner martyr! ;–)

> We couldn't have given up our rights of personal freedom > and intimacy faster or more willingly.

No one ever said being “woke” would be easy.... ;–)

> What does your perfect Saturday look like?

I've not thought about it much, but today's been perchance in the right direction. I started organizing stuff in the basement that we moved from the other house, dusting off the old CD collection in the process (most of it pre-2010 by far). Got things in somewhat categoric bins, complete with a piece of paper for each describing contents.

Also shed some tears over memories invoked by some of the tunes. Duran Duran's “Rio” inexplicably nearly killed me. :–)

And, oh... even further... the mental wayback machine that self-assembled when Heart's “Barracuda” started....

And the Republica's self-titled offering that begins with “Ready To Go”. It's not really my kind of stuff overall (sounds like what I imagined “club scene” was like back then (“imagined” because I never partook.. except maybe-sorta-kinda once...), but an entire play through when I acquired it hit me just right enough to provoke subsequent replays over time, so it remains an oddity of a favorite.

> How to Handle Old Accounts

Imma gonna let death handle that for me, thank you very much! ;–)

> I did end up making it to BP earlier, got Lucky Strikes and > a pop, kept my hands in my pockets the whole way there and > back, and my hands still almost got frost bit. Something > like 12F outside right now.

19F here, right now (which seems gut unintuitive given how much farther north I am (despite knowing that doesn't necessarily matter)). Snowing to beat the band. But we're well-stocked on the food and drink front – never mind some important “medicinal action”

<series of immediate and inescapable winks>

Looking at some rather intriguing job listings. One has an innovative (inasmuch as I've not heard of such before) $1000 “vacation bonus” for taking at least five vacation days consecutively.

It's tough seemingly never being quite what is desired, though. What would it like to be naturally suited to a position? If string/rope/cords can tie themselves in knots I couldn't invent in a million years, how is it a position naturally suited to/for me can't similarly magically appear?

Snow, snow, and more snow.

I mean, do I have experience with specific software package/realm XYZ?

Um, no. But as Robert Smith might say about software, “it's always the same”. And I know that. And so does anyone/everyone else who's ever done it.

But, of course, HR types typically haven't done it. So they're mesmerized – aka blinded – by the specific names of things, as though each name is an absolute reference to someone so utterly unique that there couldn't possibly be anything remotely similar, so that you either have your 3-5 years of experience in/with it, or you couldn't possibly fulfill the role.

<song reference in three.. two..>

It goes on and on.. and on and on....

The significant snowfall forecast seems to have been in progress since before I awoke, a couple to three new inches where there was once driveway pavement.

This morning's mind seems the usual pernicious cauldron of thoughts caught pants down somewhere between simmering and boiling in their Brownian motions.

Just look at it come down!

Yes, the snow, too....

You know how some tree trunks suggest the trees suddenly felt the need to go a radically new direction en route to the sky?

I kinda want to know what provoked that in specific instances.

But on those heels came the thought any such information would likely go the way of past photos of places you like to see, but of course are imprisoned in walled gardens – the internet being the latest premiere testament to mass human lazy-assed stupidity.

And then, of course, few seem to know how to label things in ways facilitating search.

Pardon me for temporarily imagining so much better a world....

> Funny how something as simple as a cron job in the cloud > can surprise you.

Love that sentence!

> Bubblegum showed me that love is not finite and that it > doesn't matter what hardships you've seen you can still > radiate joy. Thank you for letting us be your people > mister. We love you Bub.

My condolences....

> I recant (if I am in a position to recant something?) the > previous blog post, and it is now deleted. I don't > necessarily feel that way on a long-term basis – I > was just letting off some steam. I actually am confident > most of the time, and have been doing my best to remain > “chipper” despite prolonged periods of quarantine, > etc etc.

It read mostly philosophic, with strong undercurrents of honesty. And, as usual, super well-written.

In fact, to me it was the epitome of compelling blog post – author about author, fourth wall be damned, etc.

I mean, of course that too can become tiring when incessant. But to me that sort of thing from time to time connotes significant overall author cred.

Bonus points: “Life is a series of immediate and inescapable consequences” is a wonderful take on the relentlessness of time.

> However, I have lately found some sort of comfort > in watching 24/7 live streams on ( > []( > )

Oh my... am I staring at the future of most of my screen time?

> – Family. Ohhhh. This one is fraught with memory and > fault and blame. Why do we move so heavily on blame in > America with family? Shadows of it’s your fault. You > did this. You caused her to do this and that.

Comparison with theoretically perfect individuals – if not with delusions of a self sans much conveniently forgotten about it.

> I could go on, and I'm sure you can think of other examples > where you've been hurt by omission. I hope we can all be > more conscious of this, and see if we can't try to improve > our inclusivity in this way as well.

Having concluded genuine, lasting inclusivity is impossible for ego, this former mainstream religion fundamentalist is mostly done expressing significant thoughts in the presence of the cancellation-mob-engendering Woke™ social fundamentalists – whose hyper-judgmental ways – and means – make mainstream religion fundamentalists look like laughably clownish amateurs.

> Turning 6 Years Old

Wow. Congratulations!

Wish I could remember what clued me into this place a couple years ago....

It was snowing a while ago, perhaps a wee little taste of what's to come tonight – a snowfall soft pack, if you will....

Huh... looked up after typing that, and it looks like maybe.. evidence of a 'lil direct sunlight might lead to a photon-ic optical nerve party any moment now?