inquiry

> I don’t want to just slap a copycat subscription feature > on our blogs and call it a day. Like everything, I want > to approach this with my own eyes, after surveying the > current landscape, talking to our unique group of writers, > and asking “Why?” to everything along the way.

What a shame that for all the coding brilliance atop so much hope for online worlds out there, someone still hasn't found a way to mimic – let alone improve upon – a mother-flippin' tip jar....

It kinda makes me wonder whether the trip to said worlds has been mostly a delusional waste of time.

I think an aspect difficult to swallow for most with the writing bug up their ass is that most people just plain don't want to pay for things they believe ought to be free unless it's mind-boggling and/or emotionally overpowering, and that the vast majority of “content” just plain don't rise to that level. Instead of attempting to find ways to “monetize” such content, authors thereof basically need to get over the fact that the vast majority of what they create really, truly has no significant impact and/or value save through their nearly infinitely biased eyes.

Including – yea, especially – this. :–)

I mean, I've whined 'a plenty about how few writers seem to have time and/or interest in acknowledging others in their posts. But upon further reflection, and more in line with the above, people are just being honest about most of it not being worth acknowle-mentioning.

Or maybe it's just a supply and demand kind of thing wherein there being so much good content provokes the unintended consequence of devaluing it all....?

(C'mon! There has to a posting economist out there somewhere....)

> No journals in July must mean I screwed up again. I > failed. Yet, when I look back at my month there is not > evidence to support that. On the surface, there are no > journals. Yet, the strongest feeling I have is guilt for > not writing the journals. There are not other regrets to > ruminate on or traumatic events that I can recall in an > instant. That doesn't mean I was a unicorn pooping rainbows > of joy last month. I did struggle at times, but here I am, > on the other side of the month.

It's literally nothing but what you think it is, meaning it changes the instant you think differently about it.

Of course, thinking you can't change your thinking can be quite the pickle.... ;–)

> Goodbye – (for now?)

Seems a bit of a trending thing in these parts, no?

> I will endeavor to be back September 1st; but no guarantees > will be (officially) made (to either myself or the few > souls to happen to read this). I need time to do a lot > of stupid yet important stuff, and at this junction in > time Stories. Not a blog. is (unfortunately, regrettably) > getting in the way. Perhaps if and/or when I do return > I will have more of my stories written down, and an > interesting or insightful or meaningful thing (or two) > to share.

FWIW, I've rather enjoyed your installments.

Another meteorologically beautiful day on tap in my locale. Just sent out a goodbye message of my own to “all staff” at the place I've worked remotely for the last 3.5 years. I'll be returning their equipment this afternoon – a 2.5 hour trek each way.

Chanced upon a possible part-time, flexible schedule technical writing gig last night, and this morning read a response from them saying I'm already considered one of the top candidates based on my email alone. :–) We'll see. Going forward positions need to be minimally rewarding with the possibility of regular outbursts of fun – if not joy – or I won't bother considering them, regardless the magnitude of the mammon.

> I thought about this with social media accounts – most > people never wholesale “quit” them, as that is too > good on their part, too ambitious, too bold, too much of > a melodramatic, activist type of thing to do. They don't > want to appear nOt NoRmAl. So, they end up having periods > of use/depression, and abstinence/happiness – but the > updates do not come. They're there, they lurk, stalk, > read, maybe even give a shoutout when it's a celebration > or some shit. But, quitting? Rarely happens.

I can't this moment say how I'm going to feel as the time to renew my subscription here comes into clearer focus (it's still quite a ways off). But I felt I successfully let satisfyingly significant, obsessively hot air of doing this regularly out of the balloon that had me hither and yon in vast reaches of loneliness.

It turns out to be just simple math. Part of my mind's equation demands a certain amount of response that this space wouldn't possibly provide. So the more I poured attention quarters into its console, the more said equation insisted something was missing. It's tail done wagged me in ways approximating thrashing.

But, again, it wasn't this place. It's how I'm wired.

> So what does it mean to quit a blog? I mean, I won't stop > blogging (just like how I didn't stop after Blogger in > 2011, or Tumblr in 2016, or anything else) – I just go > to a different platform, and write there. Only this time, > I am not switching platforms, just going to a different > (Unlisted) blog on W.a. I've been at it (writing) for a > while over there now, will continue. And it's linked here > for anyone interested (most won't be interested). But this > blog will never be Listed on R.w.a. It can be (and will be) > more candid that way. > > I've abandoned this blog a few times before (going to > Blot.im for a while, and just stopping writing wholesale > for a time before that), but this is it for TMO. An update > here and there – of course. Why not?

Good luck, man! I consider it spookily – especially given how some of the above of yours described me/me-wiring to a TMO... I mean to a tee! ;–) – good timing that this last of yours just so happened to be on the first read.write.as page for an increasingly rare gander, because I most certainly don't have time for page 2++ anymore.

As for me and my wiring, we shall (likely) serve The Pub, where the price is right (for now), and attention I apparently still need seems far more readily available, keeping me from what soon feels like foolish desperation in downwardly-spiraling hunts for mentions...

... well ... at least until I find a way to wreck that for me... again.... :–)

Busy busy.

Worker in the breezeway, music event here on the 31st, gave two weeks notice (well, a tad less, but they seem to want to accommodate) on the software position at work, Thursday, to pursue something pretty gosh-danged different, namely teaching 6/7/8th graders math with a touch of comp sci – less pay, but I'm projecting way more fulfilling.. plus summers off.. oh, and my wife accepted a teaching position in the same place, so: to and from work together, same work schedule, she'll be a great mentor for something I've never done before, and etcetera to the satisfaction power.

Ain't been here much, concluding being in one world (you know, the “most realest”, so to speak..) is way more than enough. Plus I started a blog exclusively for my wife, where the words will literally provoke the most bang for the buck, if ya knows what I means....

But, you know, I grew up on a “waste not, want not” context, which sees having a subscription to do this through something like early next year as something to not wash completely down the https-mediated /dev/null drain.

Oh! Got an inline tuner for the Strat. It's practically a necessity given what a bear the thing can be to tune by ear alone – especially with a crowd singing what might be called “the silent WTF” in unison, i.e. ain't no time for dat live.

> I need to find a video or something to put on in the > background (on YT)

Isn't a video, and prolly not your thang in general, but we get a real kick out of this here Lounge King Radio feed from time to time.

> So, yea, tattoos are fun. I think they look cool. They > more or less fit my personality, I think – plus they > ward off uptight people, lmao!

Well in that (that latter) case I'm going to have to start referring to my posts as “text-realm tattoos”... <coughs>

<a bit later>

Ran off to unload the equipment from the car super-quietly so the other three adults might continue to sleep. Yea, I suppose I could maybe get away with claiming I did it for their good, but in fact I'm dreading having to listen to all the cackling again.

Perhaps the best thing about blogs to me is the possibility of ingesting them at one's optimal listening – i.e. reading – pace, to me in stark contrast to people obviously scarcely listening to each other for being so hell-bent-anxious on impressing others with their whatever. The topics are mostly of the “You're NEVER going to believe THIS!!!!“, with a strong side of “Well, when IIIIIIIIIIII went to Ireland....”

<next day>

> “Through the abandonment of desire, the deathless state > is realized.” – Buddhism. Samyutta Nikaya xlvii 37

Fascinating. So maybe “desire” the energy binding the appearance of a self (“I”) to appearance of other-than-that-self (“want”)... and since said self had a (purely conceptual) birth, so must it die....?

(just a little typing out loud, there)

(hmmm... could have sworn I typed about some things that happened last night, but not finding evidence thereof anywhere..)

Great time at the beach yesterday afternoon, in the water thrice, children an absolute blast to watch, everyone getting along just fine, as though sand remedies the diversity-challenged, 'n shit.

Then it was a favorite bar/restaurant, fun people watching, chatting with a few... fantastic “relations” just before going dead unto the world....

> Just saw someone post a “link dump” over via my RSS > reader, and I thought, “man, I never share any of the > blog posts I read throughout the week, and I should maybe > think about doing that”, then I thought “who cares?”, > then I thought, “I care!” – so, I may start sharing > other little bits and bobs from around the WWW that I see.

Cool.

I'll take the fresh, possibly inspiring scent of personally curated links over the unavoidably septic odor of da “machine learning” (or even if it's mindless brute force..) of da googles, da duckducks, etc. any day.

> Worry about yourself. And only yourself.

Tell me where it is that “I” might...?

Pretty shot at the moment. We cleaned between guests at the rental, and of course were rather inefficient for not having much learning behind us – complete with getting in each other's way, “helping” (quotes intentional) in ways the inverse of helpful to each other, etc.

But, we done good, it was somewhat invigorating (which I rather needed to get more fully with this day), and I managed to receive what I believe to be a stimulus check at that address (nothing on it or accompanying it says what it's for).

<next day>

Such a whirlwind of how to describe?

Last night's performance? Well, the last two of the three sets went well (except for there being no power to the amp after returning from break between sets two and three.. some panic-stricken debug finally led to discovering the power strip is on the flaky side – in the last position (i.e. outlet), that is).

The first set? Aye-yi yi. We were told we sounded fine, but what else are people to do? Intonation problems, wife and I thinking songs went to different places for not having worked 'em in a while... started one song on the guitar only to be confronted with not having turned my mic on... that kind of shit.

Part of the problem was my wife had a cousin of hers and her husband to come and stay, and they came along to the show, so I had what might be called “built-in chatterboxes” to ignore through disingenuous smiling at key junctures when I needed to focus – for example, bring all the right equipment. Thankfully they're all still asleep so I can have a least a little morning peace.

But, dang, our harmonies were spot the fuck on.

       typing away
      taking turns
  licking the joy of it
        together

        but some
       go too far
     for the seeming
         others

        not a one
   wishing to be seen
 cavorting with seeming
    textural darkness

 (per what each imagines
     that their mob
     expects of them
       to remain)

     it was so quiet
      I could hear
the sound of my belonging
         plummet

        <poof>

Looks like my previous was my 1800th post, here.

Time flies when you're having blog?

<later>

Rehearsals going well, despite a mild hangover.

'Tis absolute beautiful outside.

<next day>

> > The library is one of the only places we can visit that > > are completely free and expect nothing from us.

Wow, yeah. Miss ours. Used to walk to it semi-regularly. Still drive past it, occasionally, due to its somewhat unavoidable location relative to town food 'n fun.

> Also, I just realized that it is officially July 4th! So > Happy Independence Day, America. I have no special plans > for the day

Performance tonight. Be there. I promise I'll do my best to put a death metal spin on the Beatles' “Yesterday”. ;–)

> I’m going to get some sleep and think about how can I > get the most out of quarantine.

My research indicates we get the most of any situation when we – i.e. the thought of ourselves (which is all these self-centric selves are) – are least.

Want it all?

Walk/coax/whatever-it-takes said sad, lonely puppy down to zeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeero....

> This is how my desktop looks right now.

Huh. I almost never see mine on this Chromebook, because I almost always have just one browser instance (multiple tabs, of course), and one “Terminal” instance (the latter subdivided by the incomparably glorious tmux), Alt-Tab'ing between them as needed.

It's, like, what do I need a desktop for, anyway?

> Nonfiction is defined by what it is not, rather than > what it is. Fiction is not called “nonfact.” Is > this because we regard fiction as the essence, or ideal, > of literature? Does it resonate more with us because we > innately understand it as more “real” than “true > stories”?

Fiction resonates more because the notion of ourselves is fiction, i.e. more of the same.

> You'd wish career politicians who had 30 years to read a > classic book on modeling complex systems like societies > should have read it already.

Word-based communication is well nigh useless amongst individuality loci whose conceptuality frameworks are sufficiently the same to seem as though such communication could work, but not sufficiently the same for communication to avoid significant misunderstanding – which I believe online worlds and other forms of war confirm rather abundantly.

> I've heard/read numerous times that vegetarians are > supposed to eat a high-carb/starchy diet

I prefer remaining “supposed to” free. I mean, for example, I've lost track of the number of times “experts” have changed their minds about the likes of eggs, cheese, coffee, etc. Seems mostly narcissism-trance-driven blathering to me.

Just like in this blog, come to think of it.... ;–)

Yesterday, my wife made final preparations at the rental for our first guests that evening. I handled most aspects of lawn here on the home front.

We got cleaned up after that, hit a drinking establishment where we know quite a few people, a friend joined us later, then we and that friend met up with his husband/wife (he seems a bit more the latter...?) at a wonderful restaurant, where we yapped away in the cool evening to some great food and drink.

I had more than I should have, but it was somewhat because I knew I'd have next to nothing to do today but musical preparations for tomorrow night's gig...

... which has become a bit more interesting, because the venue owners decided to make it a ticketed event, proceeds going to the local zoo. And they've already sold out (roughly 140 tickets), so we're talking packed house. Probably a somewhat older crowd, which is more our wheelhouse anyway.

> Knowing others is intelligence; > knowing yourself is true wisdom.

And what of knowing there are neither?

> I remember that being spoken by Paul Ruben (as Pee Wee > Herman) in Pee Wee's Big Adventure. Still my second > favorite movie of all time (just after The Unforgiven).

I can't put it that high because I'm like eighty million times older than you, but it would probably wind up in my... oh, maybe top 50?

My favorite remains “The Family Man” (Nicolas Cage). I nearly stop breathing for laughing so hard in a solid score of places in that flick, despite having seen it scores of times.

In some Maybe This Really Is Just A Dream news, we've been watching a show from India named precisely “The Family Man” as well, with extremely good English voice-overs, and it's hilarious in its own ways, whilst bringing home lotsa drama bacon. The lead character just kills me in what I want to call the deadpan bullshit artist zone.