inquiry

whatever comes to mind

> Let's keep it simple since you know that's how we roll > at Flirting With Nihilism. For the sake of this post, > a writer is someone who writes. It's as simple as that.

<sigh of relief>

> The act of writing is undoubtedly the most important > part of writing, but there are a number of other writerly > activities that contribute to the craft. > ... > Editing > Reading > Journaling > Observing

Great reminders.

For me the main attraction is a certain inner state of what I want to call “hovering receptivity” akin to an enlightenment of sorts – as though I'm a Ouija Board puck sufficiently finely balanced to move as varieties of spirits might initiate/coax/encourage.

> Impurity is the result of the improper use of sex. Another > name for the improper use of sex is fornication. Criminals > are always born out of the improper use of sexuality: > fornication.

Oooh... now there's a not oft heard claim....

But we're all criminals, really, insomuch as we feel separate from What Ineffably Is: literally stealing away....

The “partner is about to awaken” tension is beginning to rise, which implies being perpetually pulled back to attending to drama-laden stories, feigning borderline hyperbolic interest therein, and so on and so forth to “keep the peace” – as normal people can get quickly suspicious-if-not-crotchety when others aren't falling in “how we're supposed to be” line....

So... let's post this much and go embrace the inevitable with gusto and fond memories of the joy of this wee-hours solitude....

> Nothing else to add to this. Just wanted to vent a little.

I scoured your post from top to bottom, from inside to out, yet somehow didn't find Trump was somehow to blame. I'm impressed!

> > Dopamine is the exact same chemical that makes us feel > > good when we smoke, when we drink, and when we gamble.

He forgot “when we blog and then obsessively keep refreshing the stats”....

But I mainly started this installment to express the fact that I'm extremely disappointed with this “Acer Chromebook 15”.

Whereas my previous Chromebook could stay on literally indefinitely without issue, this piece of crap always inevitably winds up with what I imagine to be some memory issue such that switching (via Alt-Tab) between the Linux terminal and the browser (either direction) results in the target “refreshing”... which in the browser means tabs refreshing/restarting, and in the terminal, well, I usually run tmux therein, so that winds up apparently lost as the terminal itself refreshes, but in fact the original tmux session is still running, so I have to reattach to it via “tmux attach -d”.

Again. And again. And again.

Unless/until I reboot the fucking machine.

Which is ridiculous to me in this alleged day and age of oh-so-amazing “technology”.

I suspect my next machine is going to be a far simpler environment, probably some degree of Tiny Core Linux, completely foregoing a graphical browser. I'll do any crap requiring graphics and/or higher level security protocols on the work laptop whilst getting my purely textural rocks off in said TCL environment, which I recall being rather fun years ago (although it's not clear to me such is maintained much anymore, so...).

In fact <snaps fingers>, I bet I still have that machine that boots TCL somewhere...

Oh wait.. I'm suddenly remembering the reason I abandoned that: the keyboard was too atypical such that oddball keystrokes I normally use a lot were constantly leading to behavior I didn't want...

Always something in this ridiculous game of screen fulfillment!

> One way this plays out is in our “frenetic pursuit of > wholeness and satisfaction,” as Peter phrases it. We're > always seeking out that thing (especially this time of > year!) that will make us whole and satisfied, or at least > more whole and satisfied.

Standard issue external compensation for internal emptiness.

> What does the media want?

There is no such thing. But those who believe there is and believe they're in it likely want what egos always want: “the world, chico.. and everything in it...”

> The ultimate product of the media is not the content but > us, it lulls us into comfortable anger, confuses us with > information overload, distracts us and in the end makes us > be what it intended in the first place, docile humans who > will work and live, maintaining the status quo. The media > makes us complacent in having voice, making sure that we > have just the right amount, not more and not less. When > we choose to vote with our eyeballs and keystrokes we are > pandering to this opinion forming machine. So what does the > media really want? In short, nothing less than your soul.

No wonder I've felt so good since letting it go!

> And a Christmas tree has officially been purchased. Not > a Snoopy Tree, though.

You know, I sometimes wonder how deeply olderish tropes penetrate newerish minds.

Super satisfying day, here on this end: replaced a shower head, wrote several emails, a couple posts here, dealt with a lot of leaves that should have been dealt with a month ago, house de-entropizing, showered, got me a load of laundry making swishy wet progress, revisiting some incredible soup I vacuum froze (I can't tell you how much I love that device..) even as I type.

Of course, I'm probably going to be in serious pain tomorrow. But for all I know I don't even live that long, so why worry about that?

I've long enjoyed both the content and – perhaps especially – the timing of egoecho posts in these parts. Grant it, I'm relying on translation. But maybe that's part of what makes said content so fun?

What a beautiful day!

I mean, it's chilly.. but the exhilarating kind – at least for me in these latter, seemingly more inflammation-tending days.

But I be also getting house schtuff accomplished. And writing about it somehow feels like the best possible breather.

> Behold! I, Juan Mirieth Auriel, declare the minimum age > for the establishment of marital courtship to be 21 years.

Well then, Juan, do expound!

> Also behold! The minimum age for performing the immaculate > sexual magic with your spouse, known as the Arcanum A.Z.F., > is 21 years. Anyone who is under 21 years is too young to > establish marital courtship with your spouse and even under > 21 years is too young to perform the sacred Arcanum A.Z.F.

And from the bowels of what self-obsessed mind-accretionatory-self emergeth said arbitrary age?

> Anyone who is under 21 years yet over 14 years is still > an adolescent and not yet officially an adult.

Oh?

But even the notions 'adolescent' and 'adult' are arbitrary, i.e. very “depends on who you ask” – not to mention what state of mind and/or being-honest-about-what-they-really-think/believe the answerers are in.

> Every man and woman undergo planetary periods. There are > seven metallic planets of alchemy, and the primary seven > are by the following order: the Moon, Mercury, Venus, > the Sun, Mars, Jupiter, and Saturn.

My gosh, it's as though we're in the dawning of the age of Aquarius.. age of Aquarius.. <horn section>.. Aquarius!!!

I'd quote the rest, but it's just more arbitraries fractally commingling and/or being compared and/or contrasted with arbitraries.

But don't get me wrong. I love your posts. They hearken me back to a time when I wanted to believe lots of magickal things. You know, that dragon named “Puff”, Aleister Crowley, the possibility of relationships being anything more than being used by nature to perpetuate one of its species (and the most ridiculous one, at that..), and etcetera.

Gosh... I can still remember pouring over astrological tomes in the book/magazine section of the local Walgreens as a kid....

And don't get me going on the – then – quite gratuitously assumed veracity of the Farmers' Almanac!

> I have a certain energy inside me, and sometimes I describe > it as a fire. Often I have contained and focused this fire > into work, projects around the home, exercise, dieting, > etc. At the present I am exploring how to cultivate such > fire energy to grow instead of containing and focus it.

Pour some write.asoline on that puppy! ;–)

(FWIW, the mere mention of fire has me remembering this rather excellent version of The Ohio Players performing their “Fire” live...)

> How can you expand the reach of your fire, passion, and > energy in your life?

Hmmm. If anything, I'm looking the opposite direction, less being consumed after seemingly shaken in searing hot jaws.

> I always like the computer-y monospace font that > Write.as offers. The vast majority of my blog posts > on here are “Serif” because that is what this blog > basically defaults to and I (previously) couldn't get my > blog to default to Monospace every time I went to write > something. It almost always reset to Serif, but, that was > over a year ago, so maybe things have changed.

LOL... I almost always “scrape” read.write.as, so it's all 24x7 terminal font to me.

To me, the whole “how cool can we make things look in browsers?” thing has been mostly evidence of shallowness. I understand such things make some kinds of differences in some ways, but I'd much rather the same effort poured into the writing itself than the trappings/packaging.

It kind of reminds me about how people whine about “materialism” during holiday seasons, but then go buy their friends, family, and kids gobs of gifts, thereby making most if not all of the season about materialism.

I mean, please... spare me the goddamned dufuckingplicity....

So... do people want solid online content, or do they want a pretty bleeping picture show? Seems to me they say the former, but their actions keep belying far more cherishing the latter.

> I sort of wanted to be a journalist at one point. Now I > am totally and completely disgusted with the media, and > I hate reading / watching the media, but, I still wanted > to write FOR some publication that had some standards.

Tough quandary.

I think it's mostly getting over the myth of journalism, i.e. that it's some noble thing well above and beyond profiteering.

It may be important to remember no non-free-willed-entity thing “is” anything in particularly but what the wielder(s) thereof is(are). So if “journalism” is a disgusting thing, it's for being primarily created by disgusting people. There's just no way around that, for “journalism” isn't some independent being doing things – it's a sort of emergent chimera that we speak of as though it were a being of sorts.. like with sports teams, where we say “the <the name of any sports team> did so and so”. Well, no... there really is no such <the name of any sports team> being: just a bunch of people doing things under the guise of a corporate individual, and lots of deluded people believing in the mythical being.

> Making meaningful, community-based, small (and then larger) > changes OURSELVES

Add the word 'in' before the word 'OURSELVES', and I'm on board....

> you broke off a piece of my heart > and locked it up > inside a jewelry box > to be worn > when it was suitable for you > forcing me to steal > or accept as charity > fragments of those i love > so that i can be whole enough > to keep going

Mmmm!

> Just wanted to say that at this critical time in history, > it is more imparitive than ever that we all fight back > non-violently at those whom want to take away our right > to speak freely and openly.

Behaving like oppressors (“fight back non-violently”) merely perpetuates oppression – especially in subtle ways.

The only hope is that enough people being better people than the oppressors somehow convinces the oppressors to become better people such that the oppression fades like the people in Marty's photograph in “Back to the Future”.

> And so, we must never give up this fight!

In fact, giving up “fight” is on possible first step toward a world in which there is no fight....

> But I digress. I am sure the topic is what really matters, > and the fact that it (the topic, which was failures of > capitalism in this case) was being discussed at all in > any form (aside from a blog or op-ed) is a “win” > in the category of bringing awareness to the fact that > our (American) system is quite broken, and we have to > change it.

Whatever system is well nigh irrelevant: good people can make a shitty system work, and lousy people can wreck the best system.

I think it best to stop pretending “systems” are as though beings such that they can do anything.

Change occurs when enough individuals change such that their collective behavior(s) sum to a different – and hopefully more positive – value. The ongoing whine – at the social discourse level – about changing systems is really just so much procrastination from what each individual needs to get busy at hard work with.

> So now I'm going to try to just free-form write a little > more using write.as. It's a minimal interface, and I'm > banking that it will help me sit down for at least five > minutes and just write something ... regularly. Might be > crap. Might not get read by anybody.

Oh, but it will. I'm salivating even as I type!

> Sunday and Monday, STL gets covered in snow > (allegedly). Sounds good to me!

Personally, I'd rather be covered in read.write.as.

So start typing, peoples!

> Where can you let go of fear?

Where the thought “I” originates.

See also: nipping the whole kit and ego caboodle in the bud.

> There will be correspondence to attend to; more research > related to next year's big vacation/move; and sorting > of my stuff, deciding what I want to move with, and what > to throw away. Happy chores that I can move through at a > comfortable pace.

Love the sound of that day.

> Now I find it ironic but cool I am back to clear text which > is where I started many moons ago. Perhaps your Evernote > and OneNote particularly give you what you need. Yay! I > just felt both were overkill for my needs. A nice simple > clear text editor with different extensions has become > very nice for me. But as the venerable say YMMV.

I find “vim”ing text files the ultimate ignorance-of-generally-far-lesser-editors bliss.

> I’ll continue to look and follow the last two rules > above particularly. I want to be happy with what I use > but I also want my stuff available and not locked in some > format with some tool not on another ecosystem. Maybe that > is the final rule set. I will call it Portability. Things > must be portable and available.

With unix-y (e.g. linux, “cygwin”) command line all things are possible.

> It was late at night. I'm quite sure I had just fallen > asleep only to be thrown wide awake. I couldn't move > my body. I couldn't think straight, all I knew was that > something was wrong—very wrong. I could feel it deep in > my gut.

That's how I sometimes feel when pondering write.as participant disconnect! ;–)

> I filled a glass with water from the tap, then made quick > of the pill. An involuntary wet layer glazed my eyes, and > Eric noticed. In response, he swept me up in his arms, > and I embraced the invigorating pulse of his heart and > warmth. So calm, so soothing. For a moment, I wanted to > stay like that forever. I moved myself out of his arms > and smiled at him. ...I wouldn't want that for you, my > love. Schizophrenia is my burden alone.

Wow. Beautifully engaging.

> ... > My country is dull yellow and grey now it's ... > ...

Heart!

> shaking me > like a magic eight ball > over and over > until i give him the answer > he wants to hear

Strong contender for Metaphor of the Year Award.

> I want to scream. When I've finished screaming I want > to look around the room and see faces looking at me > in admiration. I want my aberration, composure and > contradictions spewed all over everyone. Evening is > the perfect time for some composed fraught. Join me in > a cultural space, see me in a head place, find me in > my dreams.

Damn... that – and the rest from which it was so rudely plucked – is nice!

> Our advice – delete your Facebook phone app now.

How about we delete the internet so as to return to the slow glow of biologically appropriate opposing ego madness?

> You're probably asking yourself what an Internet of > People is. My conception of the Internet of People > revolves around folks with complementary skills who, > when needed, can come together in small, ad-hoc, mobile, > and self-contained units. They can pool their mental and > physical and financial and technological resources, solve > a problem or complete a project, then move on.

Thanks for reminding me that once upon a time there was a show – I think back in the 90's.. I think on HBO – called “Dream On” that I absolutely adored.

> “Manusia mudah lupa”. A literal translation of this > famous Malay proverb is “Human is forgetful”. It is > known that despite being the most advanced creature, human > often forget. We forget what time it is, the add maths we > used to learn in high school, the histories, and in the > mess of all the things human forget is their blessings. > ... > Now look at your surroundings, look at yourself. What are > the millions unnoticed blessings you often forget to be > grateful for?

The problem with blessings – or the one half of any pair of opposites – is that they can't be thought of without teasing thoughts of their opposite (“curses” in this case?).

So, like, I've been more and more seeing forgetfulness itself as a blessing. But the moment I type that, I suddenly remember (haha) rememberfulness... and, so... perhaps it's better to not think in terms of opposites – which is to say not think at all (since “thinking” seems to be discrimination of shades between opposites)...?

> We don't have to reinvent the wheel but we have to keep > the wheels we have rolling.

Only if we think we want to be perpetually limited to wheel technology....

> AND try to be better, and more true to my goals.

Simply being trumps the beejeebers out of trying to be this and/or that and/or endless others.

> Just walked down to the vending machine (to get another > soda (because I am very unhealthy at times)) and saw the > full moon and that SOB is BIG!

Saw it too! (en route to a performance at some organizations holiday party at a restaurant/bar)

> Regardless of the current state of our country, in the > home where I live the visitors can still expect my freshly > baked banana bread. The garden is open to everyone to > stop in when they need to relax. If you want to utilise my > computer to surf the web or play games, you still can. It > could be argued that more change and positive progress > is made in my home on the small scale than the government > ever achieves over the same amount of time.

Goes to show how ridiculously useless an arbitrary notion like “country” is – regardless how consensually murmured into seeming being.

> > At this point, it makes sense to have someone > > filling that role, but only because of institutional > > inertia. Single-payer is so great because it doesn't > > fight against this inertia, but embraces it, telling the > > insurance companies that sure, they can keep operating > > as private entities, but in order to do so you may only > > interact with a single entity through which all payment > > for services is sent. If they won't make a deal with > > that single payer (the government), then they get no > > payers. This reintroduces bargaining power on the part > > of the people, instead of the case now where we are > > “forced” to pay the “rent” that healthcare is > > “seeking” just by virtue of them being in a position > > to withhold the service if you cannot pay.

So... in a sense.. whereas two heads are said to be better than one, this is kind of saying one purse/wallet is better than two...?

> A blog that explores practices and ideas around minimalism > and sustainability.

I can't help but think that an ongoing minimalism blog is ironically a-minimalist.... ;–)

The last couple days have been some of the happiest of my online life.

Because I wasn't. (online, that is)

Well, mostly...

Others here recently typed of the likes of refraining from online news, from looking at their posting “stats”, etc.

And I thought, “Hmmm....”.

So apart from reading read.write.as posts, email with a couple cherished correspondents, writing an occasional write.as post, and necessary financial matters, I'm done with the happy horseshit also known as <hollow thunderclaps and bottom of the oatmeal container percussive rolls> The Internet.

Of course, going that far makes me wonder about additional room for improvement.

For example, could I go back to snail mail with the cherished correspondents? Isn't that a far more pleasurable – and, arguably, biological – pace?

Are read.write.as posts really “all that”, or simply a habit that, due to easy familiarity, somehow appear closer than they are? (yes, in that old automotive, external rear view mirror sense)

And, of course, posting here has been mostly an exercise in futility. Surely I could set up a blogging mechanism on this machine of mine that pretends to have other silent-to-me participants, and post my junk there. Wouldn't that amount to the same magnitude of sense of not belonging?

The financial stuff, well, those companies are likely still able and willing to do things the snail mail way.

I don't have any big secrets in email, so I really ought to stop paying for it, go back to something free, and not give a shit who's stealing my information. What do I care if people are stealing the boring details of my rather ordinary life?

And why am I paying for a VPN when it sounds like the one I'm with has been sold to an organization allegedly known for being disreputable?

It's all gone to shit hell.

And why?

Because (and I'm really liking this take on an old word): e-go.

Yep.

That's where ego goes electronic, wreaking the usual havoc (but in hexadecimal places), mucking with things for its own benefit to the point that others have to jump through endless, multi-step authentication hoops to enjoy what was once so easy, etc., etc.....

'E-go' basically refers to the ongoing, ever increasing presence of a marauding hoard whose earliest ancestors arrived on these shores in what is called The Eternal September.

(I want to say that those who designed all this suffer from the same malady that liberal/progressive-ish types too often do, namely vastly underestimating the inner stink of a typical human being, thereby creating systems (including of government) that of course couldn't possibly work for presupposing benevolent beings that this world clearly – and on a frighteningly frequently basis – demonstrates rarely – if ever – exist.)

But (going back to the early parts of this post), I'm happy to report that the effects of simply not regularly seeking news headlines alone were/are peace-of-mind-fully palpable....

There's this scene off to my right: a glass of water sitting on some black audio equipment I no longer use (and thus has become more a surface to set other things on). There are bubbles in seemingly random places along the inside of the glass. And when when I move my head just slightly side to side, the bubbles in the back seemingly elongate before disappearing – a sort meteor shower in a glass.

Most importantly, the above description doesn't come even remotely close to experiencing it sans verbiage/conceptuality – thereof.

And yet did I spend a bunch of time writing and proofing that first paragraph as though it were some marvel worth doting on – at the expense of experiencing the thoughtlessly amazing.

And for what? The attention of others? Despite knowing the variance in meaning and/or significance of words between independent minds is great enough that maybe one in a million others will come close to visualizing what I described anyway...?

In the grand electrical circuit of life, the internet is clearly ground....