inquiry

whatever comes to mind

If blogging has taught me anything, it's the uselessness of words.

I can see the mental illness seemingly craving it grinding to a halt.

I mean, how could it not?

Because even in the thousandths of a percent of the times it catches attention leading unto response, the response is invariably nothing more than evidence of private meanings/interpretations that, together, couldn't help but miss the point.

Minds – aka ships of foolishness – passing in the night at best.

All a bored....

The news media persists in talking/writing about colors and/or genders of people.

For example, articles talking about how “black voters” are going to vote, or how “women” are going to vote – as though such people vote the same because of their skin color and/or genitalia.

Be ye not deceived. Whoever writes along those lines are as far from “woke” as a truly “woke” person could imagine.

I'm not a fan of Donald Trump as a person. But I'm even less of a fan of those who talk a poorly veiled game of “inclusion” whilst matter-of-factly persisting in openly profiling people.

And I'm going to vote against such pieces of shit for so long as I live. The self-proclaimed “woke” that don't even have the smarts to conceal their profiling tendencies disgust me – both for their profiling ways, and for the degree to which their stupidity prevents them from realizing how racist/sexist their verbiage screams.

PLEASE, people... PLEASE at least have the intellectual decency to not be so ungodly motherfucking overtly hypocritical....

Light snow that could get heavy, slightly laziness upsetting because yesterday's forecast for today made it sound like we'd be just slightly more into the rain than the snow zone.

> That's why I think this little community here (I consider > it a community) get along so well, just living in their > own way/within their own belief structure.

I hereby add “money will eventually ruin it” to the classic “death and taxes” certainties list. :–)

> There are the people I care about from south to north > here. All within reach now.

The best part, always.

> They say her language is simple, but the longer I look > the more I see. ~~ I turn thirty this summer, so I look > at everything I’ve done.

“When I was thirty oh, it was very good year”....

> I suppose that is even more reason to have a dedicated home > storage thing, but this was 100% human error. I manually > deleted the folder (on accident). Damn damn damn!

Honestly, I thought I saved a bunch, then tried digging through it a time or two many years later, and it wasn't nearly what I thought, or not organized in a way I could parse in the here and now, and after a not-too-long certain amount of time it was “Fuck it!”.

In other words, whatever time I spent thinking I was archiving it in a way that would eventually be meaningful/searchable.. was a complete and total waste.

Be here now.

> seeing as it is $18 per oz right now. Usually around $15 > per oz. Has to do with Corona Virus, probably. But that's > how it goes.

You're reminding me that work pays way more than investments and brings the added benefit of passing time that would otherwise be spent agonizing over how to spend the time.

Software is hidden and rarely satisfies anyone. Or if/when it does, it's damned short-lived.

And talk about not being able to please all the people all the time, holy whew!

So many words, so little time.

So many thoughts, so little peace.

> Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing the whole “human > experience” thing right.

Simply being is as “right” as it gets.

> Now though all things can have their due course. It’s > a morning in Hanoi. No debts to pay and still my daily > walk will come. Next up that liberal dose of caffeine to > overtake my senses. Maybe a seat in a park after. This > little park with benches and kids and moments to spare.

There's really little else that need be done but be here right now, and even that arguably isn't a doing.

> Caught up in our stories, how often do we experience life > as it is? No matter what's going on, no matter how frenzied > our day, we can interrupt whatever story we're tormenting > ourselves with and just be aware of the air we inhale, > that keeps us alive, or the clothes that keep us warm, > or the ground under our feet, right here, right now. We > can turn our attention away from what is not, and bring > it to what is.

Thank you!

> My sister and I have arty parties on random weekends. The > end goal is for us to create an identical painting, > chat and have a fun time, but our parties usually end > up with me becoming frustrated and disappointed by what > I draw while my sister looks at me with regret, anger > and disappointment, wondering why she ever agreed to > “paint” with me in the first place.

Could it be time for the two of you to paint the town together?

> I apologize if you have found this blog. I occasionally > write here, but I do not accept any responsibility for > any damage caused by me writing here.

“Damage” me, please!

> CJ Eller wrote an excellent blog post on here today about > “Unnoticed Signalling” or what I interpreted it as; > self-blogging or personal journaling on the WWW. I do this > often. So this is more or less a #responsetoCJ, in a way.

It was CJ's usual thoughtful writing excellence.

But what kept coming to mind while reading it was the difference between communicating about communicating with others, and flat out communicating with others. To me, the latter constitutes a sort of magic. And as with “real” magic, the value seems more than a little proportional to the tour afforded by its magical mystery, if you will, by which I mean to say “it's magic until you know how it works”.

From that point of view, I really don't want to know how or why communication works, or understand other meta matters thereof. I simply want to be doing it, immersed in it, etc.

> Audience Required(?)

Sometimes. Sometimes not.

> <long list of good things mom did> > > But then I think back to the three instances when she > really fucked up and like water passing through sand, > all of the good thoughts I have about her disappear.

Remotely similar occurrence for me, last night.

We hit up our favorite winery on the way home from glorious times on the road. But despite having a great time interacting with friends, the winery people themselves seemed rather off.

First, our pourer carded me – not for age, because I'm clearly of drinking age, but to prove we were members.

Well, um... that pourer has poured for us before, and we're basically on first name basis with all the pourers and management there. So that was a bit of a lead pipe beneath the knees with respect to “you wanna go where everyone knows.. you name”.

Then, I got one glass above the freebie our membership provides. But when I went to pay, I put a $5 bill on the counter, because that's the amount he (i.e. same guy, a manager) charged me the night before for the same varietal. But after a few moments of screen interaction, the manager looked up and went, “that'll be six dollars”...

Well, okay, I suppose I should have not put the money down right off the bat. But that's how certain I was of the price (and I tend to want interactions to be as efficient as possible). But I did feel more than a little embarrassed in that moment. And, of course, the thought of arguing the price cam to mind, but then so did his possibly pointing out it was the amount the night before – when I purchased three such – that was in error, and thus that I owed them three bucks....

But my main point, here, is I spent far too much time agonizing over those couple events in a way that led to some profound disillusionment with the place. I actually fell asleep while mentally composing versions of “here's why we're cancelling our membership” email....

And I'm not proud of that. It seemed rather “hot-headed”. And yet it's amazing how a couple negative instances can somehow poison the water of – relatively speaking – countless positive instances.

Today is looking to be one of those days that probably turns out much better than I'm hazily fearing due to the amount of work I see in “getting ready”, “becoming presentable”, etc. Just want to sit here on the couch drinking coffee until it's time to drink something else.

Instead, there's a music rehearsal in an hour, then we're off to surprise my partner's grandchildren at a sort of winter vacation place they're at.

Aren't children the most amazingly enlightening pains in the ass you'll ever meet?

So I need to pop up from this couch soon, shave, get the hair under control (a pony tie and a baseball cap should suffice), apply a bit of witch hazel to facial areas susceptible to some kind rot (only in the winter, though.. go figure..) since going on a cruise to Aruba over half a decade ago, pants and shoes on, hopefully find release in the bathroom one more time, make a cup of coffee to go.

We had such a fun time playing pool against each other last night in a dive bar I mentioned a bunch of installments back. Lotsa salt 'o da Earth, there.

That said, I couldn't fucking shoot for shit....

> I’ve felt this way for quite some time. And I will > always probably feel this way. But I live in a world where > consumer tech is abundant. And real tech is stagnant and > oppressed (look at renewable energy, accessibility features > (or lack thereof) on (most) smart devices, etc.)

Pretty danged good metaphor for people, methinks.

Pleasant, lazy night. A bit of online, a bit of spider solitaire, and a bit of a two deck solitaire game my sister picked up on college. We've no idea what it's called.

<next morning>

> they look great, yeah?

Yes!

<next morning>

> My Discord Account has been disabled, and it's sad that > it got disabled for something that I didn't do.

Well, that certainly sucks. Of course, I can only assume in what is so far a vacuum of details.

> I'm currently waiting for discord to respond, fingers > crossed that I get it back, as I have a lot of important > stuff on there.

Without an ongoing backup? Tsk, tsk....

That said, I find serenity in knowing I've posted absolutely nothing important, here. It could disappear in a blink, and the situation would be like how water fills the space one's finger occupied in a cup.

> I'm so interested in myself in > what I am and want > To the absolute detriment of > what I am and want > There's nothing and everything to > what I am and want > > It's why I blog > not why I eat > scrambled egg, > hash browns, > French bread, > ready salted crisps, > my own head

Succinct, bullseye beauty!

And, somehow, the beginning of that reminded me of a now ancient song called “So in to You” by the Atlanta Rhythm Section.

> Now I am thinking of other people I could contact. I > have had many friends over the years but we more or > less had our “goodbyes” and that was that. No more > contact. Weird how that is the case with some friends, > but not with others. Oh well.

You've got me remembering what I want to call “eras of friends”.

> Guidelines For Use Of New Facebook Account

I still think you'd be better off letting go of those not making the effort to find you in your Facebook-less online habitats.

In a way, the evolution of the internet – in extremely stark contrast to biological evolution – has been one of lowering barriers, a significant problem with that being that those who couldn't smart their way over/around the barriers are likely similarly less than smart across the board – so that in a very real way lowering the barriers is paramount to lowering the conversation/exchange.

Be worth the effort to get to know, and don't settle for any others less than able/willing to make that effort.

> Why do people post anonymously? Is it because they feel > safer hidden behind a shroud? Maybe they’re not as > comfortable with posting something that deviates from their > “brand,” or what they normally write about. Of course, > I say “they,” but this is an all-inclusive and broad > umbrella term that also applies to me.

Ultimately, there's only and ever exactly one reason: because most people are complete – if not utter – dangerously ignorant assholes capable of wreaking unimaginable havoc over matters even less significant than a typo.

I miss using real name and contact information like I can't express. It was a time when even heated online discussion felt bound to its genuine context: words in loosely topically defined “places” (e.g. alt.religion.jimmy-johns...). If/when we “did battle”, we were of humans trying to out-clever each other in verbiage and/or reason, with no confusion between the playing surface(s) and “real life”.

> In my case, it is more because I haven’t decided if I > want to stick around at write.as, and the only way these > posts get “published” on read write.as is if I post > anonymously.

Please do!

> There is a part of me that shrinks at exposing my writing > to others as well: even if I am only writing informally > like this. It’s still a piece of my inner world that > I’m not yet prepared to share with just about anyone. I > still hide behind a pseudonym. I still use a nom de plume, > so regardless of if I post with my account name, or purely > anonymously, I’m still in essence, anonymous.

Inner worlds, too, shall pass. I'm beyond amazed how many I've had, with bountiful orthogonality of “views” betwixt them.

I mean, I think about what I wrote most about in USENET days, and the general overriding topic is laughably unimportant to me now: I can't imagine writing so much as a phrase in its context.

And, yet, once upon a time I somehow wrote thousands and thousands and thousands of posts about it....

And assuming I live another ten years and happen to be living sufficiently boring life that I feel compelled to pour over what I wrote in this period, it's all but guaranteed I'll be nothing but all 0x5754463F over it....

> I'd like to apologise for being difficult in the meeting > today. Let's put it down to my inclination for mischief > and your pride of age. Let's collaborate tomorrow; align > and click; peter then go home. I need to clean my teeth > and fall asleep in my own arms, lain across my chest like > a sky driver. As usual I'm peaceful, diminishing but far > from over.

Beautiful.

> I have to admit to feeling like I lost my battle with > Facebook. With all my posts on #DigitalMinimalism, > I felt like a fraud creating my Facebook account last > night. However, I also know that it was not really working > out for me. More than one year away from Facebook taught > me that.

My being away from Facebook taught me I never needed to be in perpetual touch with so many people to begin with.

> Hey. Ho. (is the title of my new hipster song)

That's merely a “let's go” away from a copyright suit! ;–)

> I noticed that my little “phobia” or “fear” of > using the words “is” and “are” in the incorrect > places in my #writing has more or less stopped. I am > still probably using both incorrectly all the time, but, > I talk like I write and I write like I talk. Oh well.

Those words are (haha) the root of much confusion.

> Which life would you rather lead? And what would you need > to do to make that life yours?

I want to lead a life in which I neither wonder what life I'd rather lead, nor feel compelled to do anything to make some other life mine.

The weather is playing a sort of shell game with me: one moment it's sunny, the next gloomy. I'm seeing a few light (snow) flakes here and there against the dark grey siding of the neighbor's house.

> I don't mind eating vegan for a week or so at a time, > but at some point I want a cheese pizza! LOL!

> I just remembered that I have therapy on Friday, and the > art supplies sitting across the room will go back to the > therapist (we thought “art therapy” would be cool but > it sort of evolved into poetry writing, and we abandoned > the paints and whatnot).

That reminds me I still have some calligraphy “nibs” that I've been meaning to get with for... decades?

> But this is my Vietnam. Only mine. No tourist or backpacker > here. Just an old retired guy making his moments.

“There are pla-ces I re-mem-ber....”

<lights an imaginary bowl>

> How is everyone doing tonight? I can't see the response(s) > until I check r.w.a (which seems to be every time I log > onto the desktop these days),

Oh, it was a wonderful night. We went out for the best dinner deal in town (every Tuesday night), back home, an episode of this, of that, talked about my moving along into a new career, sent some email with a link to my URL to someone that could make that happen for me locally, a bit of correspondent email, read.write.as waves (more like ripples, really) washing slowly over me, endured my partner's snoring better with an Anroid phone app that plays various repetitive sounds....

Along the lines of the last, I went with something water-related. Earbuds in my ears all night didn't bother me at all: if anything, they were way more comfortable than the expansive earplugs I pinch/roll and shove in my ears every night.

But coworkers are recommending “noise machines”. We'll see. If this simple Android solution does the job, I can't see trying to boil the ocean to get maybe a teacup's worth of additional value.

> but if you really wanna say “howdy do”, contact info > is on tmo.pizza ;)

Hey... appreciate the offer.. and ya never know....