inquiry

whatever comes to mind

Okay, this is the real 1700th.

How is everyone?

I know.. weird question to ask given I'm not going to look for replies.

But I can pretend.

Isn't it all pretend anyway?

Especially the pretending to not be pretending part?

Beautiful day out there. Work is the usual instances of human conceptuality bouncing off each other thang.

Brother and sister-in-law visiting this weekend, commencing tonight! There will a knock down, and there will be a drag out. Keeping up with the much larger and 5.5 years younger brother can be a challenge at this point. And of course the big (temporal sense) brother doesn't want to merely keep up, but to lead!

Put up more shelves and pictures last night. 'Tis an amazing place. And to think I was was somehow down about life, yesterday. But that's what happens when making things personal, i.e. carrying on as though a person one is imagining to “be”.

This is actually my 1699th post here, but I didn't feel like throwing up (!) a filler post just to get the number where I want it. I'm also vaguely recalling not being sure my accounting is absolutely perfectly accurate due to factors whose description would be far longer than it could possibly be worth to anyone else.

(As though any of this could possibly worth anything to anyone else, right?)

Sipping me a brandy-based manhattan (thanks, honey!) after a few errands after work. Brother and sister-in-law visiting this weekend – likely the usual male sibling intake stupidity rivalry. Some of you might know what that means.

So... where was I going to be going with this post...?

Oh, right... I stopped my personally coded means of viewing read.write.as. Gonna try just throwing textural monuments (aka re-presentations) to self over the wall like most everyone else and see if that makes me feel any more like a real blogger. Something about what I'm doing keeps leading to it feeling like my being here constituting a waste of time. I think it's because I either expect or hope for more than this could possibly be.

Now... such is not the case over at Midnight Pub.

Is it simply the possibility of comments (and threads thereof) making the difference?

Hard to say. It also seems rather a different crowd.

Regardless, there being only so much time in the day, well, you know. Or maybe you don't know. What I really meant was “well, you – if you're at least 59 – probably know”, because until you feel Death's proverbial carbon-monoxide-rich breath on your neck, it's practically inconceivable.

Or, at least, it was for me at younger ages. I frittered and wasted the hours in offhand ways to beat the fucking band.

> As of now, the current scenario I am in, error-wise (which > I am not soliciting input in/advice for – just blogging > about it :))

<blinks>

Got it.

<six or seven hours later after much busy>

An oddly misty day that somehow meandered to 52F. A little sun, and a swimsuit might have felt appropriate relative to – if not middle-finger extended toward – the month and a half of seemingly continuous cold and snow.

Much joy in householder tasks along the way.

<next day>

> If a person conducts themselves in a manner that shows > they are a sexual harasser, a bigot, sexist, transphobic, > racist, vote suppressors, domestic violence perp . . . then > for me that person is cancelled.

I find it interesting how closely that tracks to this other arguably puerile fundamentalist point of view:

“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and
 murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters,
 and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth
 with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
                           – Revelation 21:8
Anyone else here want to cast an infinitely self-righteous first stone? ;–)

> Is it “OK” to be alone?

Have you ever heard the phrase “hell is other people”?

Do the math.... ;–)

I'm kind of kidding, and kind of not. As always, plusses and minuses. Tradeoffs.

> My anniversary of being retired. I got my life back. Found > happiness and sadness. Walked a lot. Got lost. Resisted > google maps. Took a lot of pictures. Now I live here. Life > is good. Thanks to all my friends for putting up with > me. Most of all so grateful to be here. Right now. ❤️ > u Vietnam.

Congratulations!

Also, my wife's been to-the-point-of insisting I go that direction, so your posts often double as inspiration and micro-nudging for me. It's just I'm so used to working, and agism is at least as real as the other -isms (although of course it can only be truly seen with suffiently old eyes), so it's easy to imagine there being no way back if/when letting go of it at this point. Yes, I realize you're saying there doesn't have to be a going back. But I'm saying inner mental and emotional habits throw more than a little leery trepidation into decision-making mix.

Another aspect is my wife has to work in education for several more years to attain unto some student loan interest forgiveness, and it just wouldn't feel right being retired whilst she's still strapped to employer-supplied electrified water-boarding equipment (in education it comes with a built-in backside-kicking attachment..). So even though she states wishing retiring upon me, I imagine said imbalance could work out bittersweet in practice.

> andcamp(.com), and one I don't remember listening to > was Lifvsleda, a Swedish (or Norwegian, cannot remember) > Black Metal band, so now I am listening (on Bandcamp). Not > too bad.

Different topic (although I'm sure anyone could see how it might have been provoked), but I wound up with some black ice on the back patio after finally clearing the foot and a half of snow on it.

> Then, I continually get a “command not found” error.

Don't have time to wade through discuss.write.as boards, but is this open source code? If so, what language(s)? What environment does it run in?

Just wondering, because if it's open source, I'd be looking for whatever the languages provide to run commands, find as many instances of such as possible in the code (e.g. via “grep”, some combination of “find” and “grep”), and place whatever the language's “print to stdout” mechanism is to be writing out unique messages that rather stand out so maybe you luck out and can correlate whatever the last message you see before the “command not found” error. Might take a bit of iterating, because of course the code might be elusively creative in how it runs commands, but... well, then you might be able to pinpoint the name of the command, at least.. dig for where it lives.. investigate why whatever combination of OS and user mechanisms leads to an insufficiently robust “here's where we'll be looking for commands” that....

-OR- you could become sane and never bother with software again.... ;–)

> I woke up expecting it to be 4:00 AM, but it was 2:30 when > I woke up, having only had about 3 ½ hours sleep. But > that is OK, for now.

That was my situation yesterday, except that at my age and/or constitution only 3.5 hours of sleep can be the equivalent of spending the next day hitting my”self” in the head with a non-rubber mallet....

But got back with the, um, “medicinal” last night (night before that was drink and smoke that was timed very poorly for suddenly having an inner meltdown over a work situation – thoughts of which were the primary culprit in my not falling back asleep at 3:30am...), sleep like a baby. (Even better than a baby, actually, if you consider the fact I didn't shit until after walking into a bathroom and sitting down on The Appropriate Chair....)

> So, staying present, and within that time, is my highest > priority.

Same, basically. Well, when I remember.... >-<

> And 44F outside right now, too. I should hike. Might hike.

Allegedly (you know... assuming we're not talking “fake weather”... <coughs>) up to 46F here, today, which means being able to finally install newer ceiling fans in the uninsulated breezeway. That'll be on the heels of having installed a new shelf in a key place, which I'm right now taking a brief break from.

We're talking some serious brownie points, there(in), peoples....

<a couple days ago>

> Those are just “dumb animals”, though. What > do THEY know? They probably don't even have a bank > account! (joking)

Never mind ongoing proof of wokeness also known as identity identification with The Right Political Party™!

(I can't help it... fucking species is just so fucking fucked that it's guaranteed madness to ponder for even half a second....)

> yo fuck bill gates .

Finally some poetry in this place! ;–)

(sheesh... can't remember what bug was up my ass that day...)

<today>

> But to the extent, continual, and ongoing blog posts, > I guess they kinda/sorta assist with my mental > health. Journaling has proven to be effective in > that regard. Sort of a self-prescribed therapy. So, > it continues.

I've had a love affair with typing since a high school typing class going back to the late 1970s....

> There is no permanence, no stability, no status quo. Give > it a moment and it fades. > > Just like life on this park bench.

It occurs to me stillness is a sort of minimalism.

> After musing about the command > line as another interface via [Matt > Webb](http://interconnected.org/home/2021/02/25/pagers), > I am reminded of a recent project from Omar Rizwan called > [TabFS](https://omar.website/tabfs/):

Holy shit, how cool!

> What else could be done with state?

Whatever one's skills don't prohibit?

> You see, I have spent my entire life fashions myself as > an individual.

Yes. Life is but that dream.

> I've seen a lot of people talk about

Yep. That's what people do best: talk. I mean, the other species aren't even close. And just look at the difference it makes! We've crime, police, prisons, wars, indescribable poverty in the shadows of incomprehensible wealth, people scamming and/or fucking others over every possible opportunity (we say a sucker is born every minute, but I'm pretty sure the reality is closer to numerous assholes being born every second..), pretty sure there's an Other Side™ that has to go (see also: be cancelled), and – unfortunately – so on.

It's almost as though a connection lurketh... a correlation... maybe even (oh, Deity, how I used to despise this phrase..) root cause....

Hmmm.

(and of course what you just read is more more more (love that song, by the way..) person/people talking... <blushes> <yawns>)

> The little cafe in Truc Bach

Damned beauskeeful!

Pretty typical morning, here. I'm a little behind and rushed for not getting up until the alarm went off, which leaves just 40 minutes to get quite a bit of bio-and-related done in time to look to my remote counterparts as though busily – shit, maybe even happily? – working.

It's funny (not) how hard we try to make the afore-insinuated dream work when the only thing that works is absence of said night.. I mean dream.

> There’s always something about a lake we cannot > know. It’s mystery is that it is. People will second > guess and hypothesize and wonder if the fish and birds may > know. They both touch and are touched by the water. I think > not though. They perhaps know some of its timelessness > but beyond is the spirit inviolate. It holds the wind and > touches your face and makes you lonely and fulfilled.

Yum!

If there's anything to the notion of an astrological “water sign”, I submit having spent most of my life in the general vicinity of either Lake Michigan or The Hudson River as proof. Although their impact of each is unique, they're both pleasantly profound.

> But I had decided before then the US was not for me. I > think you will find the things worthy and challenging as > long as you follow your own heart, mind and soul. My kids > don’t call either. Strange how that works. It’s ok > though. They have their lives. My ex wife calls more. Mixed > blessing! Lol.

Hilarious!

> For sure, 60 is a good year. Revel in it, boomer! 😎

Thanks, Mike.

> I'm sure this is what the people in charge of these > products think the masses want: more of the same. How > boring is that, though? Why not tune the algorithm toward > inspiration instead of tedium? Why not use this powerful > position as product designer to break filter bubbles, > instead of building and reinforcing them?

<Comes forward. Total immersion. Conversion. Inner commitment to tithing. :–) >

> Walking away from grandiloquence

Just noting that in this species, grandiloquence frequency/magnitude tends to be proportional to a deliverer's sense of self importance.

(“I” should know....)

Is it just me, or has the pace picked up in these parts, of late?

> In the meantime, the answer to “what would an academic > think” should be pretty clear. No one should care what > an academic thinks.

Thankfully, I got to that non-caring decades ago.

> if life were like a vision > we'd be blind to the true one

Glorious! (in toto)

Winding down. Visited a bunch of Gemini (protocol) sites after building the 'gmnlm' terminal mode Gemini browser. Nothing ushered in a new era, but it was fun.

Currently sipping some vodka-based drinks, still happy over the temperature having gotten to 43F today, and allegedly staying over freezing tonight. Beats the heck out of a shovel.

Probably the most exciting thing about nearing 60 is the realization that, given the end is near, it's probably a reasonable bet to become less insane about expenditures. Fuck it.

I even asked my wife the other day whether we should consider quitting our jobs, and if we run out of funds, just fucking off ourselves. She actually agreed, although I'm pretty sure she didn't come close to taking all her interpersonal capital into account (e.g. daughters and grandchildren). My couple biologicals and I are thoroughly estranged, and I've accept the seeming permanent nature of that given there's never response to my probings. My dad and siblings are still alive, but I suspect they'd understand. We're kind of a practical bunch.

It's a combination of things, really. After a while, it really does become a “nothing new under the sun” situation – keeping in mind how familiarity really does breed contempt. And then there's how one's peer begin dropping like flies, how conceptually/memetically removed one truly does become from subsequent generations. I can feel the joy of youngers for having felt as though the 1990s were a rebirth of sorts, but I know the feeling's far from mutual (e.g. “Ok boomer...”).

You just sorta start to feel as though it's time for no time....

But, you know, not as though there's some universal weight to said path. I super love following Mike's experience of later years. It's not my thing in the actually-doing-it sense. I'm truly where I belong. But there's periodic, strong vicarious enjoyment when attention tilts that direction.