inquiry

You want to say it, but suddenly remember you're the only in the audience that could possibly know what you mean.

So how could attempting to say it be but last gasps and thrashing of ego seeking ego attention?

> I've probably written seven blog posts today, and deleted > four of them before hitting “Publish”. It's like I > don't know what I am saying or want to say. Just feeling > a little annoyed, aggravated, impatient with myself as of > late. Usually, it is just “hammer out some BS I want > to say and send it out over the WWW”, but now I don't > know what I want, will, desire to say – about anything > or everything.

I could be wrong... but seems to me... that means... it's.........

..... HAMMER TIME! :–)

> I guess I'm just fxxxing bored. I'm apprehensive about > saying that anywhere, or to anyone, because then there > are people (online and IRL) that tend to drum up little > anecdotes about this and that, and they usually end up > using it as an opportunity to lavish me with tales about > what else? Themselves!

Heh... does a self ever really want to talk about anything else?

> I mean, I like hearing about people's lives, their day, > their dreams, etc. – but on the rare occasion that I > get bored (doesn't happen often), I generally do not need > a “solution” for it. It isn't a “cry for help”, > it's an observance. Something that I take lightly and that > is necessary at times in life.

In the vicinity of that, I'm on-and-off plagued by what I want to call Robert Smith's “it's always the same”. I can hardly watch TV/movies anymore, because I invariably detect a poorly disguised instance of what seem like just a handful of go-to human stories. You know: someone “falls in love” with someone they shouldn't; someone is treated in unimaginably bad ways; someone is in an environment in which they can't “be who they really are”. And so on. Just so fucking tired of same old. I mean, I kind of get that new generations arise and might temporarily find such new and/or exciting, but at 60 I feel it's been painfully repetitious for the last several decades.

Blog posts tend to provoke similar ennui unless the writing is enviable.

(Not that this post is any different/better, mind you....)

Like posts going on and on about “privilege” in ways having nothing to do with what it really is, the repeated ignore-ance of which guarantees its never being solved.

> The West promised

There is no “West” as an objective self-entity capable of making promises.

> We should never forget that one and a half year after the > start of the pandemic and a year after the first positive > results on vaccines

I think it would be more important to never forget the said “vaccine” neither prevents people from becoming infected (else why are self-righteous “vaccine” quickly – never mind me-too-club self-righteously – concerned about who around them hasn't been “vaccinated”, and thus is its status as a genuine vaccine right up there Bugs' status as a genuine bunny.

> Having a phony identity is liberating in the online world, > and allows more open, true, honest, expression.

Seemed that way earlier in the online game, but for quite some time its felt like yet another flawed, burdensome role to remember to properly play, i.e. in accord with others' expectations.