There's a feeling I get when I look to the text

I was given 90 days from August 6th, 2019 to address my court case. I was picked up and transported to the Oshawa police station on September 3, 2019. I have been accused of missing a court date that I was not informed of on August 6, 2019.

<sarcasm-observation-mix> Sheesh.. and here I've had my undies in a bundle over trivia like the absence of blogging engagement.

But isn't that just exactly the way life is: that while one person is meeting the other person of their dreams, someone else is learning they have cancer?

It's like whoever invented this world ought to be crucified 'n shit! </sarcasm-observation-mix>

It's coincidentally interesting that miso should be Acknowledging feelings in a similar time frame that I've been mulling over an article on Gurdjieffian self-observation.

So, like:


Here's another week starting. Goal is to observe and start putting things into order. I will try to detach myself from resisting my feelings and see if I can at least acknowledge them. Hey feelings, I know you are there. Let's be friend. This week my work schedule is incredibly busy. Let's take it as a challenge, as a game. I kind of want to embrace it.

The article (note the emphasis on feelings/emotions):

Those of us who undertake this work of self-sensing in a serious way will eventually see that the real key to both self-knowledge and self-transformation lies in our feelings and emotions. Gurdjieff makes clear that our feelings and emotions are the horses that drive the carriage of our body. And it is our feelings and emotions that most clearly shape and reflect our relationship, our attitudes, to ourselves and the world. As we continue the work of self-sensing, for example, we will see that certain kinds of feelings open us, allowing our awareness to move freely throughout our organism, while other kinds close us, locking awareness and impressions out. We will also become convinced that the real observation and study of emotions is not a mental or psychological process, but rather a physical one.

Then miso continued:

I won't take life changing decisions or force anything this week. I want to see how things progress when I'm not resisting against my past and future. I've been ignoring them for so long that now it comes back at me in the most weird way. I know it's the beginning of a journey with myself. I don't think it's going to be an easy one, but at least at this instant, right now, I'm motivated by it.

Beats the heck out of waiting impatiently for a new post to hit!

Am I going to keep at it? Or will all that be shattered when I receive a message from my ex-girlfriend-which-is-still-my-girlfriend-but-i-dont-know? Let me observe and see. At least I'm finding comfort in analyzing it and posting it here. Who needs a therapy when you can blog!

Some might argue there's no better indication of needing therapy than perpetually needing to blog.

But I know what you mean.

Relationship woe in this sector too, come to think of it.

It's all pretty standard miscommunication stuff, though.

But my impatience therein, well, that seems to be on the rise, and I can't help but wonder if the internet/web has “haired my trigger”?

Theorizing a bit on that:

Here, I can get things as close to how I want them as I like in an editor, and then after posting keep telling myself that the two people that might skim it will somehow magically understand it exactly how I did while staring at it in the editor buffer, and so there's this sense that communication is working as it ought.

But IRL/T (tack a “time” on the end of the well-ridden acronym) there's sort of a buffer, e.g. thinking in silence before blurting, but there's not much time to work with its contents, especially if the other person can't, well, “STFU” long enough such that they're already yammering about something else while one is still trying to get one's previous thought ducks in line to be blurt-worthy.. and so there's this rush.. and invariably the buffer wasn't really ready, especially in the sense of likely being rife with ambiguity that “Murphy” guarantees will be taken in ways as far from the intended (originally typed 'indented', oh my) meaning as possible....

And that's really another thing about online that spoils us (well, me...), that one can engage with blurts one at a time, in full (assuming one can assume a writer was truly complete in their thoughts) as opposed to how in real time conversation people might have important points swirling about in mind yet to be enunciated, such that if you respond now, in their mind you sound like a complete idiot (or at least a right impatient bloke) for not having taken into account what they've not yet enunciated.. but you just couldn't wait to respond for not being able to imagine there could possibly be more key points.. and... and....