inquiry

I finally figured out my main life problem: I'm a software developer that motherfucking despises software development.

Simple!

Don't get me wrong. There can be much joy in writing code.

But I said software development, which more often than not turns out to be a sort of self-inflicted dichotomy paradox torture in that whereas one can say “I'm going to accomplish 'this'”, getting to 'this' quickly becomes a convoluted hierarchy of attempts to make what seems like a finite number of things that “ought to be turnkey” work, each hierarchy branch containing an unpredictable number of “one step forward, N steps back/sideways” spins, leading to having scores of browser tabs open representing a score of possible theories about a score of possible reasons a score of “turnkey” matters are anything but turnkey (wrong version of..?, wrong environment? something wrong with a dependency? bug one can't find discussion? new bug so there is no discussion yet? etc., etc., ETCETERA...), plus at least as many terminal windows containing various experiments of trying to accomplish the same – each at various stages of having attempted any number of “what if?“s.

The cherry on top? There might not be what I want to call a “solution needle” in that haystack at all.

And, of course, neither schedules nor management give a fuck about any of that. Indeed, if you showed them how it really works/goes, they'd likely fire your ass in favor of someone that convincingly lies to them about how it really works/goes so they can get their foot in the door and then continue torturing themselves with how it really works/goes.

IF you know what I mean....