Post.. writ.. blue.. everybody knows one

These days I'm really contemplating taking a sabbatical. Taking a few month far away from my day to day. Have a change in scenery. Embrace a new culture for a while. Be with different people. Wait, no, actually, be alone but far away from people I know. I think I sort of alluded to that on one week of quiet.

To me the ideal life is absolutely zero plans, hopes, and dreams (all of which can both succeed and – more likely <waves at Murphy> – fail), but accepting and responding to each and every moment without attempting to escape it down purely mental miasmic rabbit – or otherwise furry – holes.

My partner is soon going to be learning it's either going to be that way, or she needs to find someone else to suffer with her on her roller coaster of plans, hopes, and dreams fulfillment/derailment. It's just plain becoming impossible for me to deal with the ongoing mind-swirl.

This. No real goal. It really appeals to me. There's a sense of adventure. Far from home, you don't know who you are going to meet or where you will be sleeping. No wonders one of my favorite books in On The Road.

Here/now is exactly like that, would we “simply” not keep escaping it in the aforementioned purely mental way.

One might say, “No it's not!”

But to me that would indicate having never experienced it for being so addicted to the aforementioned purely mental way.

I'm not sure I'd be able to do it. I've lived in a city all my life, and I'm accustomed to comfort. I love the idea but doing it is a whole different story. I could do it for a week or two, but more? Not sure.

Do it this moment. Put the <deity>-danged screen down (away forever, preferably..), take in your surroundings and only your surroundings sans mental excursions/narratives about either those surroundings, or other even more mentally distant narrativia.

So much to see and yet most of us never really leave our home town. It takes courage to move.

I could argue “move” is more often than not “ineffectual escape” for it not having a chance of working because we bring our mind with us, and that's what we need the relief/distance from.

Do you listen to sad songs? Don't. Not worth it. It's way too sad! Honestly, these days I've been doing it, not sure why. It's a little addicting actually. I listen to one sad song and then decide oh but that one is even sadder, let's see. Ah but I know! That song, that one is the saddest ever!

They've tended to feel/seem more real to me, a more accurate reflection of the misery of mental narrativia.


What's wrong with me?

Do I like to inflict sadness over myself? Is that it?

As a matter of fact, it is. :P

But at the same time, this week is about acknowledging feelings. I'm glad I'm keeping a written record of that otherwise I would have forgotten it. So yes, I'm welcoming sadness. Hey sadness, let's be friend and all the bullshit. Let's drink whisky together.

Mindfulness like a pro.

I'm still not really sure what 'mindfulness' means. Most of my experience suggests 'mindlessness' is The Ticket™. But maybe they paradoxically both refer to the same state?