inquiry

Quick Aside

Writing has felt boring again, of late. Seems the thrill – if and when any – is mostly of a hope-driven, pseudo variety.. imaginations of it accomplishing something.

But what could it, really?

Sure, I know, in the extreme case there could be financial reward, attention, even fame.

But short of that – at might be referred to as “my non-pay-grade” – what's the goal, here?

That something kinda sorta maybe happening in “my” mind happens kinda sorta maybe similar in another's?

But to what end? What's really being accomplished? Especially in the blogging case, i.e. minus evidence of specific others having read – let alone experienced the aforementioned hypothetical time-delayed mind synchronicity?

Have I been writing on the nearly non-existently-wispy fumes of imagining that happen?

(Speaking of fumes... what is said “I”?)

The Non-Vegan of the Matter

So I laid awake in bed for the longest time after we turned the lights out, literally realizing the non-duality of I/not-I (i.e. there being no sense/notion of I/not-I, but rather <can't be said>).

I mean for hours as my partner fell asleep, and went into some major foghorn snoring.

But eventually the snoring seemed something apart from me, and furthermore affecting me, and not in positive ways.

That eventually fanned the flames of its delusional self into significant hysteria, to the point of relationship madness.

There's something old-school-master-brutal about passing from non-duality awareness to utter conviction of the duality that begins with I/not-I.